11/04/2006 01:57:00 PM|W|P|Bill|W|P|

|W|P|116267030740494864|W|P|Ace of Pentacles|W|P|dynayellow@gmail.com11/02/2006 07:53:00 PM|W|P|Bill|W|P|Came home after an absolutely crap day, hating myself, and found my wonderful wife made dinner for me, and we sat and watched an Ingmar Bergman interview. So much fun, oddly, to hear him talk simply about his life. Cavett asked him if he had any films he considered failures, and he answered immediately "Oh, yes. Do you mean financial or artistic?" Either. "Oh yes, at least 10." How wonderful.|W|P|116252222589262550|W|P|Nov 2, 2006|W|P|dynayellow@gmail.com11/02/2006 11:55:00 PM|W|P| emily|W|P|Oh! I've been watching those Dick Cavett reruns too. They are just so fantastic.11/01/2006 09:35:00 PM|W|P|Bill|W|P|The tighter I make my world, the better I enjoy it. I used to be a firebrand, you see; in college I was an agitator. More than that I was the agitator, I wrote angry, half-baked articles in the campus newspaper, trying to get other people excited about the injustices I saw, but all it got me was some angry letters. I changed nothing. Nothing. When I went to grad school, it was, to paraphrase Harry Anderson, a theatre department so open-minded that their brains fell out. They were so in favor of the avante garde, that they forgot to explain to their students what the garde was avante of. I met seniors who hadn't read any Shakespeare. You were free to question everything. No, wait, let me rephrase that. You were required to question everything, and penalized if you came up with an answer you were satisfied with, rather than simply enjoying the questioning. What was very odd was that I went from being a liberal agitator to being the representative of The Man. That was odd, because my views hadn't changed, only the vehemence with which I stated them. And vehemence is what counted. But I didn't want to be angry and self-satisfied anymore; I wanted to reason things out and find an answer, and boy doggie did that get me in trouble. I was trying so desperately all those years to be cool. To be admired. And it never worked out. Because I was never cool, and I never will be. I'm a nerd, and it's my lot in life to be fascinated by things for odd reasons. Odd, personal reasons that even I don't understand. And I've given up trying to justify them, even to myself. It's so depressing, dealing with the world. I just found out that a comedian who's writing I really admire hates movies that I love. I go on internet forums and enjoy them for a week until someone expresses an opinion I find repellent. People talk about politics at parties and I want to throw myself out the window to escape. And so I pull my world in, tighter and tighter. And yes, it gets lonely some times. I wish I got more email. I used to get lots, now practically none at all. But is the aggravation of dealing with the stupidity of the masses worse? Oh yes. Yes, yes by far.|W|P|116243962238172317|W|P|Nov 1, 2006|W|P|dynayellow@gmail.com